New York always has held a place in my heart. Returning here reconnects me with dreams that inspired my life this far, and reminds me of how despite all our planning building and attempts to protect we are always living in a place where everything can change in a passing moment. Reflecting back I have had a life filled with these moments, moments in which my world is completely altered. Sometimes that moment is created because of a event which some may view as tragic or devastating, a sudden death, rape, bombs blowing up buildings, betrayal, loss of loved ones, illness, loss of something you invested your heart and soul into. Other times those moments can be created by the experience of the divine be it through love, nature, bliss or just connecting to the world ourselves and each other in acceptance and love. When I was younger and I first experienced situations that were extremely challenging and or painful I had a hard time understanding them or why it happened. But then I quickly came to a point of understanding I may never understand why, and accepting it and then whatever the situation be it painful or blissful, heart break or inspiring accepting it and allowing it to be and for it to teach me.
When things happened that were very difficult or painful, I started just seeing it as my teacher, and embracing the lesson that came with the experience. This allowed me to work with and move through situations that were very difficult and come out on the other end grateful for the experience even though I had to learn how pull out bullets and sew back wings. I realized at a young age I had a choice, if I experienced say rape or abuse, or just betrayal I could chose to forgive and learn from it and transform it into something I could then use in a positive way or I could close down shut off and live in fear and anger. I chose to accept it all, everything I encountered, everything I did, everything I experienced and just let it be and learn from all of it. What I learned is the things when I was a teenager I didn't think I could take now I see as a beautiful and transformative experience be it painful and difficult at times.
Sometimes I find myself in new situations with new experiences and new lessons, and usually the first time around it is about learning and that process can sometimes be painful. When you fall off the bike and cut your knee ten times before you finally learn how to ride. Yet I am willing to fall off the bike cut myself up and keep getting on it over and over until I finally am able to ride it clear across the city with the wind beside me.
How we deal with difficult situations, painful situations, can really alter our path and the world we live in. For it seems many adopt the mentality of you hurt me I will hurt you back, or you didn't give me what I wanted or you are not doing what I want and so therefore I will try to control you or will hurt you in order to make you do what I want. Or you strike me I will strike you back ten times harder. Granted I understand in a sense spiritually life is war but I suppose to me fighting doesn't mean needing to feed into the energy of revenge. We live in a world in which war is a example of that mentality or choice feed by many therefore creating a massive ball of energy which leaves behind a path of destruction often without actually coming to any resolution and simply draining or taking peoples lives away. Yet we all have tiny wars in our lives and minds on a daily basis and being aware of them is often the hardest part.
What is the motivation behind the action, is it out of fear or acceptance, is it out of anger or forgiveness, and if you are angry how can that be transformed or used in a productive way. If fear is the motivation behind choices often those choices lead into a cycle that can become very painful. Fear of being alone, fear of loving, fear of letting someone in, fear of losing all or who you love, fear of not being good enough, fear of getting hurt, fear of losing our jobs, fear of death, fear of living, it's a powerful force fear and sometimes it serves a purpose. Yet I have found that everytime I find fear and force myself sometimes kicking and screaming internally to work with it and come through it rather then letting it build a box around me which then becomes a prison I always feel as if I grow both in love and the capacity to love and accept what is and that means whatever is in my life in the moment.
Accept what is, and work with it, there is so much there then to work with . If I worry or focus on what is not, what I lost, what was broken, stolen, taken, then I am not seeing what is, and I have learned that in one moment someone can throw an arrow through my heart and cause me extreme pain and yet in the very next moment I can pull it out and then find myself in a place of complete love and joy. In just a moment the light can shine down and the darkness can all vanish. This has always given me hope for no matter what came or happened, no matter how hurt I was or how devastating a situation seemed I knew and believed in the very next moment everything that was lost could come back ten fold from out of nowhere and so therefore nothing was ever really lost or for that matter gained...
Its hard to remember sometimes but my lessons have been extreme enough to have taught me deeply enough that its burned into my skin and I am always blessed to have always had people around me in one form or another who remind me and reflect back to me so that I can see.
I have learned to embrace the unknown, as well as face the fear, to love knowing that I may really only have this moment, to create, to love, to share to give to be, and I have learned everything that happens is my teacher and only has been a blessing in its own way. Making me thankful for all I have experienced and learned through that.....
When things happened that were very difficult or painful, I started just seeing it as my teacher, and embracing the lesson that came with the experience. This allowed me to work with and move through situations that were very difficult and come out on the other end grateful for the experience even though I had to learn how pull out bullets and sew back wings. I realized at a young age I had a choice, if I experienced say rape or abuse, or just betrayal I could chose to forgive and learn from it and transform it into something I could then use in a positive way or I could close down shut off and live in fear and anger. I chose to accept it all, everything I encountered, everything I did, everything I experienced and just let it be and learn from all of it. What I learned is the things when I was a teenager I didn't think I could take now I see as a beautiful and transformative experience be it painful and difficult at times.
Sometimes I find myself in new situations with new experiences and new lessons, and usually the first time around it is about learning and that process can sometimes be painful. When you fall off the bike and cut your knee ten times before you finally learn how to ride. Yet I am willing to fall off the bike cut myself up and keep getting on it over and over until I finally am able to ride it clear across the city with the wind beside me.
How we deal with difficult situations, painful situations, can really alter our path and the world we live in. For it seems many adopt the mentality of you hurt me I will hurt you back, or you didn't give me what I wanted or you are not doing what I want and so therefore I will try to control you or will hurt you in order to make you do what I want. Or you strike me I will strike you back ten times harder. Granted I understand in a sense spiritually life is war but I suppose to me fighting doesn't mean needing to feed into the energy of revenge. We live in a world in which war is a example of that mentality or choice feed by many therefore creating a massive ball of energy which leaves behind a path of destruction often without actually coming to any resolution and simply draining or taking peoples lives away. Yet we all have tiny wars in our lives and minds on a daily basis and being aware of them is often the hardest part.
What is the motivation behind the action, is it out of fear or acceptance, is it out of anger or forgiveness, and if you are angry how can that be transformed or used in a productive way. If fear is the motivation behind choices often those choices lead into a cycle that can become very painful. Fear of being alone, fear of loving, fear of letting someone in, fear of losing all or who you love, fear of not being good enough, fear of getting hurt, fear of losing our jobs, fear of death, fear of living, it's a powerful force fear and sometimes it serves a purpose. Yet I have found that everytime I find fear and force myself sometimes kicking and screaming internally to work with it and come through it rather then letting it build a box around me which then becomes a prison I always feel as if I grow both in love and the capacity to love and accept what is and that means whatever is in my life in the moment.
Accept what is, and work with it, there is so much there then to work with . If I worry or focus on what is not, what I lost, what was broken, stolen, taken, then I am not seeing what is, and I have learned that in one moment someone can throw an arrow through my heart and cause me extreme pain and yet in the very next moment I can pull it out and then find myself in a place of complete love and joy. In just a moment the light can shine down and the darkness can all vanish. This has always given me hope for no matter what came or happened, no matter how hurt I was or how devastating a situation seemed I knew and believed in the very next moment everything that was lost could come back ten fold from out of nowhere and so therefore nothing was ever really lost or for that matter gained...
Its hard to remember sometimes but my lessons have been extreme enough to have taught me deeply enough that its burned into my skin and I am always blessed to have always had people around me in one form or another who remind me and reflect back to me so that I can see.
I have learned to embrace the unknown, as well as face the fear, to love knowing that I may really only have this moment, to create, to love, to share to give to be, and I have learned everything that happens is my teacher and only has been a blessing in its own way. Making me thankful for all I have experienced and learned through that.....
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